Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Unicorns win 18-10

There were some snickers and jokes about the quantity of long emails sent by yours truly last night. Well, you have not seen anything yet until you have read the weekly recap. Enjoy!!!!!!!

Mary (aka cy young mary, or pitch) recorded career softball win 545 last night adding on to her already stellar hall of fame softball career. The only bump in the road in this game for Pitch was due to too many emails on my part. She got confused about the new players on the team. She knew there was a new first baseman, and she also knew that I had recruited an Asian girl from the hinterland of northern South Korea that had a nickname borrowed from a famous Asian athlete. She thought that the new Asian girl's nickname was Yao Ming and not Ichiro and thought she was playing first base. My bad on that one. Sometimes I pound you guys with so much information that it is easy to misremember. Thinking that our first baseman was a 7 foot Asian, Mary kept making awesome plays, twirling and throwing the ball 7 feet in the air over poor JIT's head. I finally realized what was going on and yelled at Pitch saying, "for chrissakes Pitch, it is Ichiro not Yao and anyways it is JIT at 1B." Her face cleared like she had just figured out the cure for cancer. Next inning she went out and stabbed two line shots destined for center field and delivered them perfectly to JIT's glove the way we veterans have seen a thousand times.

If we needed proof of how valuable Mary is to the team, the Cobra's showed this in the first inning as their pitcher was the worst excuse for a softball pitcher I have ever seen. Unicorns are not known for their patience at the plate, but these balls were unhittable. There was no pattern to them either. She would deliver one three feet from the plate, then the next would almost hit the umpire, then the next would be on a line drive with absolutely no arc. In fact, the word arc was not in her vocabulary. She was the Rick Ankiel of Grant Park softball. May be after some time in the minors she will emerge as a slugging center fielder. After spotting the Unicorns five runs, they put a guy in who could actually find the strike zone. Five runs and no outs for their starting pitcher = an ERA of infinity.

Speaking of the Cobra's, if Marie did not hate me, I would petition the league for a new name for them. The Garter snakes would be a good one since they are the most impotent of all the snakes in the snake world. The douche bags would also do. They had one jerk on 3rd base that thought he joined a softball/hockey league and kept checking unicorns in the corner rounding 3rd. They also had one really intense dude that almost got thrown out of the game for being such an ass to the ump. In fact, their coach and one of their players apologized for their behavior after the game.

Not only were the Garter snakes impotent at the plate, but their outfield positioning was the worst I have ever seen. Someone said they had some big gaps out there after the game, and I questioned the word gap because gap implies space between two objects. I looked out into right field and saw the Pacific ocean. Too bad Mr. Brady was not at the game to exploit that defense as he would have gone 4-4 with at least three homers.

My favorite play of the game came with me on second and Pitch at the plate. Seeing a weak hitting girl up the defense sauntered all the way into the infield. I thought they might actually hold hands with the infield for a second. The ump told the outfielders that they must all be on the grass. I told the ump that was okay. I said we liked them where they were. Mary cranked one way over their heads clearing the bases with a big multiple RBI double. Later in the inning, Ichiro induced a key walk with two outs that really opened the flood gates. Habby followed by hitting the ball into the ocean in right and ran around the bases twice before one of the fielders got to the ball. This inning broke open a close 9-6 game to an 18-6 affair.

Speaking of home runs, Habby, T-Bear, and Turk all are tied for the team lead in that category with 1 a piece. Too bad Karch Kiraly (aka Mr. Brady) was accumulating to his spike and set total instead of getting an early lead in the home run category for our team. T-Bear was about to take the HR lead in the bottom of the 6th when fate got in his way. Habby, fearing that I was going to over take him in that category, purposely lined the ball as hard as he could into the mitt of the second basewoman. Then on his way back to the sidelines I saw him whisper something to agent Bauer and give her something. I was not sure what was said or given until later. Watching a replay of the game on Youtube I kept rewinding and focusing in on this part of the game until I could clearly see Habby mouth the words "foul out" to Crystal and I also could see him slip her a twenty. This explains why Bauer fouled out as I knew she could not do this on her own accord. These two outs ended the inning and denied your lovable coach a 2nd dinger.

Thank you Nate for filling in at 3rd base. He contributed with a hit and a couple of force outs at third. He also contributed by giving the coach a couple of after game smokes. It is very difficult to come in cold and play 16' softball. Speaking of cold, I really admired the after game stamina displayed by our sub. For some reason, Nate only showed up in a tank top and G-string. I think when I told him our team was the Magical Flying Unicorns and we wear pink that he was subbing for some gay near nudist softball team, so he dressed accordingly. Most players would have gotten the hell out of there with that wardrobe (or lack thereof) ASAP. Not Nate though, as he hung on to the bitter end. It must be his Rocky Mountain upbringing drinking Coors while swimming in mountain lakes that gives him the endurance to the cold.

I was really proud of the after game attendance as once again even without Legend and Mr. Brady we had a decent size contingent to be the last team in Grant Park drinking. The sour apples tried, but being sour apples they only stay ripe for drinking for so long and could not outlast the Unicorns. I was also proud of the play of our new recruits. JIT played great at first base. In fact, she played so well that one of the other players hugged her and squeezed her after being rung up on a grounder that JIT corralled. So full of admiration was this opponent that he could not control himself and he wanted a handful of JIT (JIT stands for Junk In the Trunk for those not aware) and a handful of JIT is what he got. Crash had a nicely placed liner down the line that looked foul, but hit up some chalk. What is encouraging is JIT and T-Bear's Angels (Katie, Paige, and Jackie) will only get better.

Next week we go 2-0. Go Unicorns!!!!!!

Coach T-Bear

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